Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape.
Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.
Current revisions by
Mike Finch and Alex Litvak
Great opening first page.
Who is this guy? Why's he running and who is he running away from? Is he running away from the predator.
Great opening first two pages.
The predator becomes the prey. Not too sure about the name Royce. Could have found a more fitting name for the character possibly. The hero of the story.
The first two pages really set up the character of Royce, not entirely sure why they left them out of the movie. They weren't in the version of the movie I watched.
Page 3 is where the actual movie starts. Royce wakes up and finds himself freefalling.
On page 5, the introduction of STANS hanging from the branches. I'm pretty sure they find the doctor hanging in the tree and Royce shoots a branch to get him down. Also when they come across Stans he's having a fight with Mombasa.
Things get a little confusing for Royce on page 9 when he checks the makeshift compass and it spins madly. I'm pretty sure the woman character Isabelle is the one that shows him the compass in the movie.
Edwin tells Isabelle not to touch the plant on page 11. It's poisonous, we don't know it, but this will set up what happens at the end. Set ups and pay offs.
Royce tells Isabelle his name on page 14. In the movie he tells her right at the end.
A bit of Edwin's character is revealed on page 15 with the butterfly missing its wings. Did he do this?
Good turning point on pages 16-17 when they avoid the traps and find the body of the Navy Seal. Whatever it was that killed him was big? And this guy was a Navy Seal, what are they up against?
A reference to the original Predator movie when Mombasa thinks he sees something in the trees. Similar to the scene with Billy in the original.
Things don't look good for Isabelle on page 25, then the whistle and the creatures retreat. They're not alone.
During all the excitement Cuchillo went missing. Now they've found him on page 27. Things don't look good now. The first of the group to go. Sign of things to come.
Dead guys don't talk on page 29.
A pretty good turning point when they discover the Predator hanging from the totem pole on page 32. What could've done this?
Isabelle recognizes the Predator or what it stands for and Royce knows this when their eyes meet on page 33.
Mombasa gets killed, they're being picked off one by one. Just like the original movie.
The introduction of the Super Predators on page 38. Finally get to see what they're up against.
Pg 39-40 some exposition from Isabelle explaining what they're up against. A reference to the original movie. In case you haven't seen it. The backstory.
So what hunted it?
They realize they're in real trouble.
Another reference to the original movie. This time Royce says those memorable words on page 42.
If it bleeds, we can kill it.
Bit of a double whammy on page 46 when they realize they just killed one of them. Another victim. Secondly, Isabelle informs them that she didn't kill it and that she missed. So, what did?
Another reference to the original movie with the dialogue on page 47.
The introduction of Noland on page 47.
Okay, this is probably the one part of the movie I don't like. I'll tell you later.
I don't remember Edwin being claustrophobic in the movie and I don't remember this scene on page 49.
Pg 57, Noland tries to escape and gets killed.
This is the one area of the movie I feel they could have left out. You have this character that has managed to survive all this time only to be killed like this. It just seems too easy and too convenient.
Not to mention, he was only in it 10 minutes or less? Why have him in it at all? Maybe if they had shown him being hunted and then the group find his body and cave etc. This might have worked a lot better.
I just think the time could have been used more effectively.
Nikolai bites the dust on page 60-61.
Another reference to the original movie. This time from Nikolai before he dies.
You... are... one.. ugly... mother
Time for Hanzo to make a stand on page 68.
He manages to kill the Super only to die himself on page 69.
Finally Edwin gets caught in a trap on page 74. Getting rid of the stragglers and hangers on.
Royce frees the Predator on pages 77-78.
I don't remember a scene in the movie, pages 78-79 with Royce inside the Predator ship
Again slightly different to the movie. I'm pretty sure Edwin uses a knife to cut Isabelle and infect her with the poison. Rather than using powder.
Also would the plants really be the same as those on Earth?
The ending is not the same as in the movie.
Royce shoots Edwin and injures him, at the point of dying and then uses him to bate Super Predator. Edwin is hooked up to a load of grenades and when Super finds them, they explode.
Definitely prefer the movie ending to this. It's a little too easy and quick. That's page 90.
Now the alternative ending, page 91 and onwards.
Well, I can say honestly that I'm glad they didn't use that ending.
Introducing Dutch at the very end. What a disaster that would have been.
I'm not a great fan of the movie, it does have some good moments. As a learning device, it's worth reading this and then watching the movie to see how things change from draft to actual movie.
Also you can see how the director interprets what's on the page and how it's seen on screen.
Didn't really understand the relevance of Noland's character, pretty pointless in my opinion.
The Predator could have been used more in the story.
It was nice that they included some references to the original movie. A little homage goes a long way.
The writing is great, very visual, concise and to the point. Paints a great picture for the reader.
Definitely worth a read.
Film maker Jonathan Newman chats with writer Dean Craig (Death At A Funeral) and writer director Michael Bassett (Solomon Kane) on Writing for Hollywood.
Recorded at the London Screenwriters Festival 2010.
JAKIE RABINOWITZ/JACK ROBIN
Wait a minute, wait a minute. You ain't heard nothin' yet!
If somebody gets in your face and calls you a cocksucker, I want you to be nice. Ask him to walk. Be nice. If he won't walk, walk him. But be nice. If you can't walk him, one of the others will help you, and you'll both be nice. I want you to remember that it's a job. It's nothing personal.
An informative article about organizing your time and writing from ScriptShadow.
I must agree with writing 3-4 screenplays a year. Ideally more if you can, think about it. After several years if you've written 5 per year that'll give you 35 projects. You can then choose maybe 3/4 of those projects to concentrate on while working on others.
Don't put all your eggs in one basket and just write 1-3 screenplays. The larger the body of work you have (portfolio), you'll give yourself a much better chance of someone liking something you have. Or they may not like the projects necessarily but they may admire your style of writing and work ethic and thus give you the opportunity to write something for them. And get paid for it.
If you want a career in writing then you must write. Build up that body of work. The harder you work and the more you write, the more luck you'll create for yourself and sooner or later someone will sit up and take notice of you.
Be persistent and never give up.
_ Getting feedback on your work can be hard at the best of times. Getting feedback from trusted people with experience in writing, whether it is novels, screenplays or short stories can be extremely difficult.
As a writer you want to get feedback from people that understand how to construct an entertaining story. A story that will keep people interested and entertained.
They understand the dynamics that go into creating a story. They understand story, structure, dialogue etc.
You certainly do not need to pay someone a load of money to critique or evaluate your story. There are plenty of sites where you can get plenty of feedback and opinions on your work for free without paying over the odds for it.
At the end of the day you’re looking for feedback that will help you make your story, characters better.
Sometimes when you get this feedback, it might rub you up the wrong way and you may want to take a few jabs and punches at them because they haven’t really understood what you’ve tried to convey in your story. Perhaps they’ve misunderstood your characters motivation, dialogue etc.
They may not have liked your writing style, or maybe the story completely flew over their heads.
It’s up to you as the writer what you should take and leave from people’s feedback and opinions.
Don’t get all pissed and defensive just because you don’t agree with their point of view or ideas for improving your story.
Leave it and come back to it another day.
If they didn’t understand the story.
Ask yourself why? What can I do to improve it? How can I get the message across to the reader?
When someone offers to read your work and spend a couple of hours of their time reading and writing up their opinions on it. Say thanks or be thankful. No one’s forcing them to read it at the end of the day. And that one idea they give you, that one kernel of knowledge might be the very thing that strengthens your story and work.
Putting your work out there for people to read and evaluate is a tough thing to do.
It’s not easy listening to someone be critical of something you’ve written or created.
Being able to take on board feedback and use that to your advantage is the trick to improving as a writer. Of course, not everything that they say will be of value or even useful. But you never know. Nobody knows anything!
You need a thick skin or be able to grow a thick skin fast.
Otherwise you won’t last the distance.
And at the end of the day, it’s just someone’s opinion. It may be right, it may be wrong, it might work, it might not. It’s up to you as a writer to decide and figure out what to use and what to leave.
Remember, it’s your story at the end of the day.
Just be thankful that someone, anyone has even bothered to take the time to read it at all. Because they didn't have to.
Write – Get Feedback – Rewrite and keep writing.
And why should the people listen to you?
Because, unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent.
[referring to Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, in which Kevin Costner played the role with an American accent] You can add Robin Hood (2010)
_CESARE ENRICO "RICO" BANDELLO
Mother of mercy, is this the end of Rico?
_“The first draft of anything is shit.”
― Ernest Hemingway
_ Many elements come into play in order to make a movie memorable.
A good film score will draw the audience into the movie; it will help create empathy and atmosphere. A good film score will also lift a not so good movie up a few notches.
I can think of four movies that didn’t do so well on release that have now gone on to become cult classics.
Superman: The Movie (1978) John Williams
Original Star Wars Trilogy: (1977-1983) John Williams
Jaws Theme (1975) John Williams
A good way to get those creative juices flowing is to listen to your favorite movie score and imagine your story and key scenes playing out to it.
A list of great movie scores follows. This list isn't inexhaustible by any means and plenty more can be added to it.
[stealing Tony's shoes]
Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister.
Steven E. DeSouza
Based on the Novel
Nothing Lasts Forever
One of the classic action films of the eighties. This and Lethal Weapon were (are) in a class of their own.
Great opening first two pages. You learn that it's Christmas, John McClane is introduced, he doesn't like flying. He's a cop and the ladies still have a thing for him.
Four main characters have been introduced by the time you reach page four. John McClane, Joseph Takagi, Harry Ellis and Holly Gennaro McClane.
If you have a keen eye, as an audience member you'll notice the nameplate for Holly. Something isn't quite right.
McClane watches other families reunite around hin on page 7, again reinforcing the family problems. The only person meeting him is a chauffeur named Argyle.
Great bit of dialogue when McClane explains to Argyle that he couldn't just leave New York. He takes his job seriously.
The arrival of freight truck on page 16.
The bad guys make their presence on page 20 when they kill the security guard at the desk.
The main bad guy, the antagonist to McClane, Hans Gruber is introduced on page 21.
McClane manages to escape being caught on page 24. A good setup with his lack of footwear as he runs up the stairwell. This will come into play much later.
The bad guys up the ante on page 30 when Hans kills Takage. He's not one to be messed around.
Good turning point on page 38 when Hans and Fritz find the note on Tony's body. They're not alone. This isn't going to go smoothly.
Good piece of dialogue when Karl questions Hans about McClane and plan. Is Hans worried?
And if he alters it?
For once Hans doesn't have an answer.
Things aren't looking so good for the bad guys on page 60 when they realize that the detonators are missing.
Things get really heated when Ellis gets killed on page 85. Thankfully Ellis didn't mention Holly to Hans. Otherwise McClane would be in some deep doodoo.
Hans and McClane finally meet on page 92, Hans pretends to be an escaped hostage, puts on a terrible American accent.
Hans has a good eye for detail when he notices McClane's bare feet on page 95.
McClane isn't slow on the uptake either when he checks the name Hans has given him on the list of names on the wall on page 96. He's not falling for Hans and his bullshit.
On page 98 Hans tells his men to shoot the glass panels knowing McClane doesn't have any footwear on. This was all setup earlier.
Things take a real turn for the worse when Hans discovers who Holly is on page 112.
A nice touch with Holly's dialogue when McClane introduces her to Al on page 126.
I'm serious. Hey, this
is my wife... Holly Gennero.
(taking Powell's hand, correcting)
Still not sure about the ending with Powell killing Karl.
The ending is the opposite of the start.
McClane and his wife were apart, no one came to the airport to meet him.
McClane and Holly now leave together in the limo.
Great script, great movie.
My only gripe would be when his shirt changes color. One minute it's dirty, next minute it's clean, then it's dirty.
Continuity is everything. But that's the movie and the editing, nothing to do with the script.
I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.
Welcome to Russell’s website. A storyteller who enjoys writing screenplays for movies. Even though the process is hard. It keeps his imagination working overtime.
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