Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape.
Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape.
Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.
Unfortunately I’m not happy with the structure as it is. Everything seems to be taking an age to get going. Generally you shouldn’t worry about this type of thing when you’re knocking out the first (vomit) draft. Otherwise you might find yourself rewriting those first two acts forever.I’ve been plugging away and reached 43 pages.
So I’m going back to the drawing board to rework the outline and hopefully work out the kinks. I’m looking at 95-100 pages for this.
Ideally I want to get the outline written before the end of December. Then I can crack on with writing it as soon as possible.
Current revisions by
Mike Finch and Alex Litvak
Great opening first page.
Who is this guy? Why's he running and who is he running away from? Is he running away from the predator.
Great opening first two pages.
The predator becomes the prey. Not too sure about the name Royce. Could have found a more fitting name for the character possibly. The hero of the story.
The first two pages really set up the character of Royce, not entirely sure why they left them out of the movie. They weren't in the version of the movie I watched.
Page 3 is where the actual movie starts. Royce wakes up and finds himself freefalling.
On page 5, the introduction of STANS hanging from the branches. I'm pretty sure they find the doctor hanging in the tree and Royce shoots a branch to get him down. Also when they come across Stans he's having a fight with Mombasa.
Things get a little confusing for Royce on page 9 when he checks the makeshift compass and it spins madly. I'm pretty sure the woman character Isabelle is the one that shows him the compass in the movie.
Edwin tells Isabelle not to touch the plant on page 11. It's poisonous, we don't know it, but this will set up what happens at the end. Set ups and pay offs.
Royce tells Isabelle his name on page 14. In the movie he tells her right at the end.
A bit of Edwin's character is revealed on page 15 with the butterfly missing its wings. Did he do this?
Good turning point on pages 16-17 when they avoid the traps and find the body of the Navy Seal. Whatever it was that killed him was big? And this guy was a Navy Seal, what are they up against?
A reference to the original Predator movie when Mombasa thinks he sees something in the trees. Similar to the scene with Billy in the original.
Things don't look good for Isabelle on page 25, then the whistle and the creatures retreat. They're not alone.
During all the excitement Cuchillo went missing. Now they've found him on page 27. Things don't look good now. The first of the group to go. Sign of things to come.
Dead guys don't talk on page 29.
A pretty good turning point when they discover the Predator hanging from the totem pole on page 32. What could've done this?
Isabelle recognizes the Predator or what it stands for and Royce knows this when their eyes meet on page 33.
Mombasa gets killed, they're being picked off one by one. Just like the original movie.
The introduction of the Super Predators on page 38. Finally get to see what they're up against.
Pg 39-40 some exposition from Isabelle explaining what they're up against. A reference to the original movie. In case you haven't seen it. The backstory.
So what hunted it?
They realize they're in real trouble.
Another reference to the original movie. This time Royce says those memorable words on page 42.
If it bleeds, we can kill it.
Bit of a double whammy on page 46 when they realize they just killed one of them. Another victim. Secondly, Isabelle informs them that she didn't kill it and that she missed. So, what did?
Another reference to the original movie with the dialogue on page 47.
The introduction of Noland on page 47.
Okay, this is probably the one part of the movie I don't like. I'll tell you later.
I don't remember Edwin being claustrophobic in the movie and I don't remember this scene on page 49.
Pg 57, Noland tries to escape and gets killed.
This is the one area of the movie I feel they could have left out. You have this character that has managed to survive all this time only to be killed like this. It just seems too easy and too convenient.
Not to mention, he was only in it 10 minutes or less? Why have him in it at all? Maybe if they had shown him being hunted and then the group find his body and cave etc. This might have worked a lot better.
I just think the time could have been used more effectively.
Nikolai bites the dust on page 60-61.
Another reference to the original movie. This time from Nikolai before he dies.
You... are... one.. ugly... mother
Time for Hanzo to make a stand on page 68.
He manages to kill the Super only to die himself on page 69.
Finally Edwin gets caught in a trap on page 74. Getting rid of the stragglers and hangers on.
Royce frees the Predator on pages 77-78.
I don't remember a scene in the movie, pages 78-79 with Royce inside the Predator ship
Again slightly different to the movie. I'm pretty sure Edwin uses a knife to cut Isabelle and infect her with the poison. Rather than using powder.
Also would the plants really be the same as those on Earth?
The ending is not the same as in the movie.
Royce shoots Edwin and injures him, at the point of dying and then uses him to bate Super Predator. Edwin is hooked up to a load of grenades and when Super finds them, they explode.
Definitely prefer the movie ending to this. It's a little too easy and quick. That's page 90.
Now the alternative ending, page 91 and onwards.
Well, I can say honestly that I'm glad they didn't use that ending.
Introducing Dutch at the very end. What a disaster that would have been.
I'm not a great fan of the movie, it does have some good moments. As a learning device, it's worth reading this and then watching the movie to see how things change from draft to actual movie.
Also you can see how the director interprets what's on the page and how it's seen on screen.
Didn't really understand the relevance of Noland's character, pretty pointless in my opinion.
The Predator could have been used more in the story.
It was nice that they included some references to the original movie. A little homage goes a long way.
The writing is great, very visual, concise and to the point. Paints a great picture for the reader.
Definitely worth a read.
Film maker Jonathan Newman chats with writer Dean Craig (Death At A Funeral) and writer director Michael Bassett (Solomon Kane) on Writing for Hollywood.
Recorded at the London Screenwriters Festival 2010.
JAKIE RABINOWITZ/JACK ROBIN
Wait a minute, wait a minute. You ain't heard nothin' yet!